I"M BACK AND READY TO PLANT.....YEEHAW

Hello everybody...I have energy and ambition...I am ready to plant!

My unfortunate drop through the sidewalk and losing my way underneath Hollywood is all in the past now and I'm ready to get back to my purpose in life. Here we have a lovely photo of me and my two avocado seeds. The one on the right (my left) is ready to plant the one on the left (my right) is not. There fore I will plant only one...can you guess which one I am going to plant? If you guessed wrong then you are wrong. If you guessed right, then you are right...(my left). Soooo lets get cracking and do some farming...where's my acreage?

My Lisa came home from the place where she moved to back to where she moved from which is here and so she is not there and she came for my birthday and my present is that she is helping me with my orchard. (Next week I'm going to talk to Judy about run on sentences, but not now).

We have everything we need to plant

• Sprouted avocado seed
• Ceramic pot
• Potting soil 
• Baileys Irish Cream

 I suggested to Lisa that we water the avocado with the Irish Cream and then we can grow chocolate Irish avocados. She said it wasn't going to work and that we should just water with regular water and so I said, "Hey...I have an idea-let's drink the Irish Cream ourselves"
Lisa said that she didn't want any but that if I wanted to drink a little, I should do that and the only thing is that I should be careful not to drink to much because I am not Irish and so it would not be good for me. I also had a lot of work to do.

  I thought about what she said and I decided that she was right but I also decided not to listen to her. I drank a glass......Yum! I dank another....Yum Yum!! Then I thought that it would be a good idea to check the size of the pot so I climbed on in. I'm glad I did because It fit so well that I decided that another glass of Baileys was in order to celebrate my excellent decision.....Yum.....Burp.......

Time to plant.
I liked the way the pot fit my butt and I especially liked the way that I rewarded myself with Baileys for having such a good idea when I decided to climb on in.
Therefore I decided to save time and save the pot and plant the avocado right in the bag of potting soil. I decided that this was probably the best idea I'd ever had in my whole life so I had another glass of Baileys. Not only would the avocado have a lovely home.....I would be able to climb in the pot without getting my butt all dirty...Yuk....More Baileys....Burp

"OH OH....STOP YOU SILLY MONKEY", Said Lisa when
 she realized what I was doing....So I did....Lisa took over and I sat back and let her. She's pretty smart you know.



I drank too much Baileys.......I don't feel so good and all I want to do is close my eyes and not open them....Con sarn it....Where did I leave my eyelids.......Burp

Hello everybody....Karen can't be with us for the next few hours or so and I've decided that it's best to let her sleep. I'll keep going ahead with the orchard project. We can check with Karen in a little while and see if she able to join us....if not.....well-we'll probably do better without her input......OK here we go:

First step is to fill up the pot with potting soil. Fill it up to about an inch from the top. Pack it down gently. You want it firm enough to support the plant, but loose enough to let water percolate throughout.

The next thing to do is to plant the avocado. Make a hole in the dirt in the center of the that is deep enough to accommodate the roots. Plant the avocado so that the dirt is just covering the top of the seed. Pat down the dirt so that the plant has good support. 

Lets check on Karen and see if she is able to join us yet.........

Nope.....Not yet........

While Karen rests, we'll water the plant. Use only water to water the plant. Do not use Baileys or eggnog and do not toss in Coco Puffs. The soil and water are all the plant will need for a long long time...maybe even years. 

Put the plant in the sun and turn it every couple of days so that it grows straight and tall. Water it when it's dry. You will have a beautiful plant to enjoy.

Oh look----It's a beautiful avocado tree. It will grow and be happy.....Oh Oh....I think Karen is coming around. Let me go see how she's doing and maybe she can join us for one last picture

Karen? Are you feeling better? Hello...Karen?

Hello everybody....I'm back from my nap and the world is a magical place because I dreamed that a kind princess helped me plant my avocado tree and guess what? WHOA-when I woke up it was all planted. I have a very bad head ache and my mouth is kind of dry and I want to go back to sleep because I don't feel so good. but I do have a beautiful tree.

While it's still small you can take it for walks. You can also teach it to stand very still. If it gets tired, water it with Coca Cola and if it gets hungry, it likes green olives and salami. If it's a very smart plant, you may be able to teach it to play checkers. 

Well....That's all for right now. I need to go lay down again. Judy is coming home pretty soon and so Lisa said that she will help me clean up the mess. It actually looks OK to me, but Lisa says it's not OK-it's messy. Thank you Lisa. I liked working with you today. I just have one question......What happened to all the Baileys?

Whoa-Orchard Work Is Hard! I Think It's Time To Play. I Need A Break

Hello everybody. I decided to take a break from growing my avocado orchard and anyway I'm kind of mad at Aunt Eileen. She said that my avocado trees would not make avocados because you can't tell which ones are male and which ones are female. Well Duh...As long as the trees know, who cares that I know....Actually I'm not even certain that I want to know!

In any case, I decided to go back to Hollywood. I paid very close attention to how it was done a year ago when Tom and Judy took me on the subway so I decided that I can do it again myself and so I will.

Here I am looking at the map so I am sure to get on the right train-I actually don't remember it being this involved....Hmmmmmmm

Oh Oh....I may have gotten off at the wrong place....This does not look familiar....Oh Oh

I think I'd better not get back on the subway. I think I'd better walk around above ground where I can see where I am going and then when I know were the place I am is, I will know how far I've come and how close I have to get to be where I was hoping I would get to when I arrived. Yes! that makes perfect sense to me. Yes!

I have been walking for a long long time and I am tired. I will sit and rest and I will gather my energy and then proceed. I sure wish I had an avocado to eat because I'm getting a little hungry. Oh well. I'll be OK. I'll just sit here and rest for a few minutes.

Hmmmm-Hello? Ding Dang It....Hello? Oh Oh...........

Let's make an avocado orchard....Yum

Hello everybody! I'm back....Yeehaw. I've been very busy you know with many things and my goal is to make certain that everybody has all the avocados that they need. It takes a while for the trees to mature, but I envision a giant guacamole fight in about 2019. Everybody will be so happy that the chosen weapon of aggression is so tasty, they will all smile and we will all be friends.Sooooo.....Here we go 

This is my friend Franklin and he is appropriate in every situation. When you need a friend, a friend like him is good to have. I've already cut the Avocado in half and taken out the seed, but I can't show you that because I lost the picture on the computer (along with Judy's class pictures that she worked so hard on last week and so I have to do this all really fast and hide before she sees it...con sarn it)

We have everything we need here. We have the seed, toothpicks, a cup that we will put water in, a friend and a bold resolve to succeed.  Are you ready everybody? Let's grow an orchard.

Be very careful boys and girls! Toothpicks are sharp

Franklin is holding the seed while I carefully put three toothpicks at an equal distance in the side. I place them so that the flat side of the seed is down and I also put them in so that they are a little bit above the center. They also need to be stuck in the side at an angle. The angle should be such that when you fill the cup to 3/4" from the top, the three toothpicks will sit on the lip of the cup and hold the seed about half way in the water.

Oh Oh.....My toothpick slipped and Franklin forgot to move his arm out of the way....Con Sarn It and a Double Dag Nab It. "Hey Franklin, How come you weren't more careful? Now you have a toothpick stuck in your arm and you look angry. What?....Noooo....I don't think sooooo.....You can't blame me because you have slow reflexes....Hey...what are you doing? Hey...put down those toothpicks.....Hey stop it....You'll be sorry you *$&%^ #*^&!!! ....Whoa-Orchard creation is unpleasant!

When I woke up this morning and decided that in 2019 there would be world peace because of my efforts in the field of orchard science, this is not what my vision included. Franklin and I had a very spirited exchange, but in the end he couldn't keep up and now he has one less friend and that friend is me but I don't care because I just don't! Harumph!

Now on with my work. I'm sorry to you all for the interruption and I regret that you had to be part of it....Kind of......Actually I'm glad I didn't lose the tooth pick poking fight. I deserved to win because I am Karen M Onkey...Duh!!!!!!

 I should tell you that it's good to have extra toothpicks and extra cups because you may find an unexpected use for them and then you need to have extras. Always best to be prepared. I would also like to express that sometimes it's better to work alone, and I think Franklin would agree!

See how the toothpicks are stuck in the side of the seed and how they are sitting on the side of the cup? They are holding the seed at the correct height so that the seed sits about half way in the water. Now I'm going to put my cup and seed in a sunny place and check the water everyday to be sure that there is always enough.Before long I will have an avocado tree!

VICTORY IS MINE

What do we have here? It's my avocado seed and it has sprouted. See how it looks like a space alien? That is how it is suppose to look. I actually started this one about 3 weeks ago because I knew I was going to be writing this blog and I needed to show how cool this all is. I'll let it grow a little more and then I'll put it in dirt and it will grow into a big tree. If you do what I did (but remember, you don't need help unless you are a kid and then you should ask you Mom for help because she loves you and if something goes wrong she won't stab you) you will have one too. If you want me to send you a nice seed just send $4000 and I will get one off to you. I ship on Tuesdays and Fridays. 

Well-that's about it for today. Thank you all for your involvement and let me know if there are any other topics you'd like to see me address in this blog. When I put the seed in dirt in a few days I'll be sure to log in another post.

Keep watching.

Love *<[:(I)

My Trip To The Fruit Stand

     Whoa...I'm going to grow a tree....an Avocado Tree and I'm going to send everybody I know an avocado when it grows fruit! This should be in five or six years, but first, a bit of history-The avocado (persea americana) is a new world food. The plant is classified in the flowering plant family and the fruit itself is technically a large berry that contains a large seed. The leaves can be toxic to dogs, cats (both of which I have issues with) and horses. You cannot make guacamole without avocados-dag nab it!

     Judy and Tom went for a drive in the country and took me with them and we stopped at a roadside produce stand. We talked to the lady and looked at all the stuff to eat (no bananas-con sarn it) and then, so that you would believe how wonderful California is, we took pictures. The picture above is the first one that we took....It is me-but you knew that because it looks like Lisa-except that Lisa doesn't have a pink dress so it's me-and I'm pointing to the sign that says Sunkist. This was on the side of a big red barn and you don't really need a visa to come here because California is not a foreign country. The sign is just there...........

The picture to the right is for Katy who is not (IS NOT-ding dang it) yet one of my followers. (Let me compliment and thank Yvette, Dona, Becca and Judy at this time-You get the first avocados from my new tree). Whoa....What are those orange things that I'm surrounded by? OH MY GOODNESS! They must be oranges....and they are all mine. Judy bought them for me-Yum

What more could I ask for? Lovely company on a pleasant sunny day in the country side and rolling hills of Southern California. I'm surrounded by oranges and........Oh wait.......I know......I know.......Look everybody

This place sells avocados-lots and lots of avocados. I'm going to ask Judy to buy me avocados and she will because she knows that when I make avocado sandwiches and guacamole she gets to eat lots of it because she rocks my world.

Here I am surrounded by avocados-I am a happy monkey

I was very content here. I had all the avocados that I ever needed and I just sat for a long time enjoying myself. People came by and looked at me. One guy tried to get in the bin with me but he was asked to leave. Some people asked if the avocados were $1.25 each or if that was me........I see no reason for people to be rude.

Keep watching because next time I'm going to show you all how to grow an avocado tree of your very own. It's easy. Now I have the most important thing and that is an avocado seed. This will be an adventure, and the best thing is that voles (see tuscanyonthepalouse.blogspot.com/ for more info on those slippery little varmints) will not bother my agricultural operation.
Until next time everybody-Love Karen *<[:(I)

Welcome to my new blog. I'm glad you dropped on by. Yeehaw

Hello Everybody!!! My name is Karen Monkey and I would like to welcome you to the first entry in my new blog. I live on a chair sometimes, and sometimes I live on a shelf. Up until the other day I had a great responsibility taking care of my Lisa. I took care of her since she was six years old. Now she has gone away to college and I have more time to take care of the rest of the world. I also have a sister and she is named Wilmablue. She is older than me so she can take care of herself. I have cousins and I like them very much and we talk on facebook because I live in California and they don't. I also have friends who are not cousins and I like them too. Everybody I know likes avocados so I am going to start my blog in a day or so by showing you all how to grow an avocado tree. Keep watching and you will learn many things that you didn't know that you needed to know. I have depth....... *<[:(I)